THE Dumbest GM Move in Baseball

Please Paul DePodesta, show us evidence of that big Harvard brain. Prove to us that you can pay attention to the history books and interpret them properly. Show the guts to match the intelligence and do not do the safe, reliable, guaranteed-to-bite-you-in-the-ass move.

Do not hire Terry Collins.

Collins may be a fine person and a good baseball man, but he is not a winner. He did mediocre work with the Angels and Astros, got neither of them anywhere near a championship, and he won't do much for the Dodgers either. He's a mediocre big league manager, and his record proves it. These kinds of managerial selections always, always fail. These are not the kinds of guys who are winning championships. Look at the ones who win:

Ozzie Guillen, former player, current flake, blesed chief of a team with great parts that went way beyond their sum.

Joe Torre, a great manager who just needed a decent team to work with; no longer winning, not really getting close, and while we love to blame Steinbrenner for every Yankee failure, maybe Joe was just fortunate for a few years to have Bernie and Jeter and Rivera and Tino.

Mike Sciosca, ex-player whose great touch with pitchers has extended to the entire team as manager.

Jack McKeown, one good year, great leader in Pudge, incredible pitching (as with Florida's first freak championship) and then gone.

Bob Brenley, another ex-catcher who had two incredible pitchers to lead the way -- briefly.

Terry Francona, ex-player, limited managerial experience and, again, lucky to land in the perfect spot: a team of quality veterans who put it together for one magic season. He's gone by next August.

Meanwhile, the same-old same-olds come and go. Retreads like Art Howe who attract so much attention but fail to ever make it over the hump. Terry Collins is in that league. He's not a winner, not at this level, in this job. He's the big, dumb mistake Paul DePodesta simply must refuse to make.

The right move, of course, is Orel Hershiser. Imagine, the great battery from 1988, Hershiser-Sciosca, crosstown managerial rivals. Sciosca has proven he can win; he'll be back in the Series again, especially with the owner he has. "Bulldog" will meet him there. He did fabulous work as Texas' pitching coach; no experience, and a team with no history of decent pitching, and he brought them several huge steps closer to contending. He's smart, he's a fighter, and he commands respect. He'll inherit a team of some quality parts, and they'll get more; the minor leagues have some great prospects and the McCourts have oodles of cash.

And Hershiser will bring the fans back, not just butts in the seats but their hearts. They still love him -- god, I love him! -- and seeing him at the helm day by day will bring back the belief in Dodger Blue. I hope the reports are true, that Orel is Frank McCourt's man; I hope the owner tells the GM what to do in this case. Collins: bad move. Hershiser: championship. Show us that big brain, Paul. Hire Orel Hershiser.

THE Dumbest Managerial Move in Baseball

There are many dumb things a manager can do in baseball. Signing up with Tampa Bay for one, or the Yankees in an off-year (which, please God, will last until at least 10 years after I am dead). Having your power hitter bunt in September when he last practiced the sacrifice in 7th grade. Going for your nose on a televised game; they'll find you knuckle-deep every time.

But Phil Garner, in helping his Astros get swept in their first, and possibly last, World Series appearance, made what I believe to be the dumbest mistake a manager can make. He made the mistake twice, and he lost two games as a result. I find it hard to believe big league managers, and not just Garner, make this mistake, but it happens on a daily basis, at one stadium or another. A manager with 25 players to choose from, with years of experience and having watched more games than I've had clean socks, still makes this dumb mistake that should have been eliminated years ago.

Bringing in your closer to a tie game.

There is no better way to ensure a loss than to bring in a closer to a tie game. Invariably, and I believe the recordbook will back me up on this, a closer who can blow away three All Star batters on nine pitches if the bases are loaded in the bottom of the 9th with none out and a one-run lead -- the same closer will cough up runs so fast in a tie game, the dumb schmuck of a manager will barely have time to spit, grab his crotch and consult the help-wanted ads in Baseball America. I've seen Eric Gagne in the middle of setting his record for consecutive saves brought into a tie game and get his ass whupped. I've seen Everyday Eddie Guardado do it for the Mariners. And the world watched Brad Lidge, one of the game's current great closers, come into tie games and cough up the lead. (Yes, he also puked up a save to the Cards, but that was Pujols batting, and he was going to smack one off whoever was pitching.)

Closers also yield runs like Karl Rove gives up secret agents when their team is ahead, but the manager can usually yank them in time to prevent a loss. Sometimes a guy has to be brought in just to get some work in; that's part of the game. Just don't expect a quality closer to give you quality innings if you don't have the lead. Ain't gonna happen. Maybe he'll get the first out, maybe even the second; but as sure as Steinbrenner will spend more next season on pitching than Guatelmala will spend on food, there will be a walk, a hit, he'll plonk the number 9 batter and if you're really lucky, everyone's misery will end with the ball sailing over the right field fence.

Closers close. If the job was to preserve a tie, they'd be called "tie preservers" and would get elected to the All Star game for getting games into extra innings. That's not what happens. They come in with a tiny lead, maybe guys on base, and they close the door. The other teams thinks the Big Mo is swinging their way, but that's just a nasty trick being played on them. The Closer comes in and, as we say for Gagne, Game Over. Light's out. And Garner should have known that. He had good arms in the pen, guys used to working to extend a game, to give multiple scoreless innings. Let them do their job, and then let Lidge do his: close. The Sox were a better team and were going to win no matter what, but it would have been nice to for the Astros to put up a better fight. For Garner to have been a bit smarter.